The Middle Path: Embracing Balance in a World of Extremes

From the earliest memory I have,
I recall an unrelenting desire –
to be the best version of myself.
Social media and society
taught me that being thin is beautiful
so I wanted to be thinner.
Even when I weighed 39 kilograms,
I aimed to be thinner, believing in the beauty it represents,
As I was told.

I  enrolled in a Prana course,
during which I fasted for four days,
I harbored a deep-seated aspiration to embody,
The quintessence of yogic wisdom,
Seeking liberation from worldly cravings.

During my tenure as a Data Analyst in high-tech,
I would wake up at 5:00 AM.
This early start allowed me the time for my affirmations.

I would stand before the mirror, declaring –
‘I am really, really thin.
I eat only what my body needs.
My self-discipline is unwavering.
I know when to stop.
My body is my temple.
I constantly feel satiated’

I feel that only this year I have truly understood.
It took me a while,
but I finally grasped,
for many years,
I believed my purpose in this world
was to achieve success,
so I wanted to be the best,
always,
in everything,
I wanted to have the best grades
because they have told me that this represents how smart I am,
in my academic journey, I was told that I needed to score at least 90,
in the Prana course, they told me that I have to be on juices only for 3 months.
I felt failed God, failed so many times.
I attempted to prove myself to you, to them, and mostly to myself.

I can’t forget this day,
riding my scooter in Tel Aviv,
I felt like a tourist in my own life,
I passed over all the shops,
The Market,
and The people,
everything looked so strange
as if nothing in this world was related to me
and I felt
I don’t want anything
Free form every desire.

Instead of feeling immense joy,
success,
happiness
I felt low,
disconnected.

The pain is found in
giving up the pleasure
that life has.

All my life I thought I had succeeded in understanding you,
this time I feel like I understand.
Now I know what you think I came to have.

We are not here merely to build buildings,
and for sure we are not here to prove to one another,
How good we are.

We are all a part of you, God, struggling to understand how to connect.
We came here to express you.

I may not know the path,
nor can I be certain of the direction,
but at least – I have a goal.