Echoes of Solitude: A Search for Inner Wholeness

Nothing can overcome my solitude,
nothing helps,
I’m alone,
and everything here is strange.

It’s a widening abyss inside me,
and it doesn’t matter,
where I try to escape,
or how I try to fill a bucket of water,
If the structure is full of holes.

I know all of this,
and still,
automatically,
I choose the wrong direction,
In the approaching traffic,
the accident is about to happen,
again, It’s me –
crushing in on myself.

And still,
this craving,
echoes and kicks
lying and persuading me,
that the outside world will be better.

So I find myself dreaming,
about the perfect partner,
about coming back to Israel.
To my friends, parents, traffic jams, horns,
and especially me observing all of that,
and knowing that with all this headache
Is where I belong.

But the loneliness that I feel,
is much more rooted and deep,
one that doesn’t have a cure or a solution.

And like my teacher used to say –
‘You went towards the light outside
when the most precious thing you lost was inside yourself’

Gali Ness,
What are you truly searching for?
What do you think is lacking?

This is a process of casting off
And it hurts like tearing my skin open,
this courage,
to stand in front of myself and to say out loud –
the thoughts that the polite and elegant Gali,
never dared to say.

But this silent desert,
doesn’t allow me to mock myself anymore,
so I’m enabled to see all the black sides of myself
Showing myself out loud.

I’m looking for your pure heart,
the purity that is inside you,
this place that ceases to need something from the outside world,
I’m looking,
my love,
for this place,
of knowing,
that everything
Is inside you.